wimpynoodle:

I’M NOT EVEN GOOD AT THINGS I’M GOOD AT


‎*Mom hands me phone to answer*

Me: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.

kawaii-aussie:

basically tumblr is like our father and we’re all his children and he is about to get married to yahoo who is a massive bitch and will probably ruin our lives and we’re like no dad stop and we’re all crying very loudly because we dont want yahoo to be our new mum because she is a monster who will probably kill dad when he becomes useless and take all his money that he left to us the bottOM LINE IS NO PLS DONT SELL TUMBLR DAVID KARP NOOOO DONt do It


psilentasincjelli:

If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and I’m hallucinating plot points I haven’t written yet


loki-has-stolen-the-tardis:

toomanyfandomsforoneurl:

songofages:

dulcedoom:

iamthewalrus-creep:

nerdypartyman:

Holy shit. It’s just the gif. With the line. And not a joke or a meme or anything.

WHAT IS THIS

One does not simply find the original gif 

dot

dot

dot

question mark


Reblog if you have an imaginary life inside your head

hundred and hundreds of AUs

thousands actually

MILLIONS

image


hiddleswiggles:

He lied to protect the innocents. General public is not ready for the truth.


aseaofquotes:

— Ernest Hemingway


nickywirefanclub:

this comment speaks to my soul





internetexplorers:

we could be married with like 4 kids and i’d still be too scared to text you first



volar-e:

i need 5 hours of tumblr to balance out my 5 minutes of studying 


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